Mother’s Day Epiphany

I’ve sat here and stared and stared at the computer screen for 5 minutes, wondering where to even begin….(after typing this, I sat another 10 minutes, at a loss as to how to start this post). 

So many, many times over the past few – okay, multiple – months, I have sat down at my computer and considered doing a blog post.  Most nights, life simply got in the way – one of the kids wasn’t feeling good, I was in the middle of summarizing a deposition or working on a brief, or, most commonly, I was just too darn tired.  It got to be too easy to just upload pictures of current events onto Facebook, thinking that most of our family would at least be able to see pictures of the kids that way, if I wasn’t blogging. 

But the truth of the matter is, I have missed blogging….A LOT. 

I’ve missed the creative outlet that the blog provides.  I’ve missed the interaction with those of you whom I have never had the privilege of meeting outside of the blogging world, but whom I still consider to be friends.  And, most importantly, I’ve realized that over the years, this blog has served as a wonderful written treasury of the life of my little family.  I’ve not been very good at keeping up baby books and I don’t scrapbook, which leaves only the blog.  Poor little Grayson has not seen much airtime on here in the past 14 (yes, 14!) months of his life, and I feel completely heinous for not documenting more about his transition from newborn to babbling, chubby-legged infant to now a walking toddler. 

I will admit, though, sometimes the pressure of coming up with a blog post could get to be too much and it could be intimidating.  Many nights I felt like I didn’t have anything worth saying – no witty observations on current events, no stand out moments from the events of the day.  I felt as if every picture I posted had to be not only taken with the DSLR, but had to have been edited in Lightroom before posting – heaven forbid I use a picture I snapped with my iPhone (those are becoming more frequent, too). 

But I had an epiphany of sorts today, notably on Mother’s Day – I realized that ultimately, the reason I blog is for myself.  Don’t get me wrong, I love sharing with everyone who has read (and will hopefully continue to read) my blog.  But I have to accept that not every post is going to be picture-perfect.  Not every day in our life will seem interesting to everyone outside our little nuclear unit.  With that being said, it is so very important to document these little moments and not lose sight of them in the rush that is life. 

I don’t want to forget that my sweet Alexandra calls her baby brother “Little Tucken” for some unknown reason – when asked why, she responds “because he is so sweet and precious.”

I don’t want to forget that this same sweet girl insists every night, “Mommy, just stay with me for a little bit,” after we go through our 15 step bedtime routine. 

I don’t want to forget how tonight, after giving Grayson his bedtime bottle, he and I sat in the fading sunlight in his nursery and giggled at each other for no reason until we lost our breath, and then giggled some more.  How this same sweet little boy’s face crinkles up into the biggest toothy grin – all for me. 

Bottom line – I don’t want to let life pass me by without really savoring these little moments and recording them so, when I’m old and gray, I can remember how a silly night back in December after Grayson smeared carrots across his forehead led to the sweet picture above.  Events that have transpired over the last few months of my life have made me realize the fragility of this world that we live in, and that we must consider ourselves blessed for every moment we have together. 

Here’s to a new beginning of blogging.