too much of a good thing

let me begin this post by issuing a warning to the three men that read this blog regularly (which would be my husband, my dad and my father-in-law). yes, guys, i am talking to you. i am about to delve into a subject that is not for the faint of heart. i would not recommend reading further, you might blush. consider yourself forewarned.

(okay, i totally know you're still reading, don't say i didn't warn you...)

i was driving home from work the other day when elmo (who is on constant rotation in my vehicle since my little girl discovered him) was rudely interrupted by the email alert on my crackjack (also known as blackjack - a wannabe blackberry, aka crackberry). upon reaching a red light (i seem to be much more cautious with the little one in the backseat), i scrolled through my messages only to see that it was some spam email from victoria's secret, announcing the arrival of a new product. typically, i would delete this garbage, but the subject line was intriguing. it read, and i quote:

"new! miraculous push-up adds 2 cup sizes...hello bombshell!"

seriously??? **two** whole cup sizes?? who on earth needs this? i'm all about keeping the girls supported, but i don't need them up to my chin, for crying out loud.


(the particular vicky's secret product in question)

maybe it's just me, but i've never understood all the fuss about "the girls". (this is what i am going to refer to them as in this post - i never liked the word "breasts" and don't get me started on the "t" word, we're not cows for crying out loud). they are put there for one purpose and one purpose only, which became painfully clear to me a couple of days after my daughter was born when my "girls" went from a somewhat enlarged size (thanks to the pregnancy) to porn star proportions. (i am happy to report that they didn't remain this way - unfortunately, they deflated that much more after i quit breastfeeding). yet despite that one purpose, they have gained mass appeal and are sought after by many, both men and women. i mean, case in point:


pamela anderson, the original baywatch girl, who can't seem to make up her mind as to whether she wants a regular-sized chest (and by regular, i still mean larger than 90% of the female population) or "you can see those puppies from the moon!" (obviously the latter in this picture)


anna nicole smith - i think this picture is from the guess modeling era, you know, pre-marriage to really old guy, pre-reality show, pre-overdose.

and the original:


miss dolly parton. how hers have not been deemed a wonder of the world yet beats me - you just don't find those in nature. trust me, though, i would never hate on miss parton. you can't be a southern girl and not love every ounce of this woman.

bottom line, victoria secret - thanks, but no thanks. i'll stick with the size i am, where shirts fit me properly and i can see my feet - no 2 cup enhancement. if i need a place to rest my head, it will be on my pillow, not on my cleavage, thankyouverymuch.